The Importance of Building a Trusting Relationship with Your Therapist
Why Your Relationship with Your Therapist Matters
Starting therapy is a big step that takes courage and self-awareness. But beyond showing up to sessions, something else makes therapy work: trust.
Think about any close, supportive relationship in your life. Whether it’s a best friend, a partner, or a mentor, the foundation of that connection is trust. Therapy is no different. The stronger your relationship with your therapist, the more effective therapy can be.
In fact, research shows that the quality of the therapist-client relationship—also called the "therapeutic alliance"—is one of the strongest predictors of success in therapy (Norcross & Wampold, 2018). So, how do you build trust with your therapist? What if something feels off? And when is it time to move on? Let’s dive in.
Why Trust is the Foundation of Effective Therapy
Therapy is different from any other relationship you have. It’s a space designed just for you, where you can explore your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors with the help of someone trained to guide you.
But for that to happen, you need to feel safe. You need to trust that your therapist is competent, nonjudgmental, and invested in your well-being.
Here’s what the research says about trust in therapy:
The therapeutic alliance accounts for up to 30% of the effectiveness of therapy outcomes (Flückiger et al., 2018). That means even the best therapy techniques won’t work if the relationship itself isn’t strong.
Clients who report feeling deeply understood and supported by their therapist show greater improvements in mental health symptoms (Horvath & Bedi, 2002).
Trust is especially critical when working through trauma, attachment wounds, or deep-seated emotional struggles; topics that require vulnerability.
Building trust doesn’t happen overnight, but it is possible. Let’s explore some of the most common challenges in building trust with your therapist and how to navigate them.
Common Challenges in Building Trust with a Therapist
If you don’t instantly feel comfortable with your therapist, you’re not alone. Many people experience hesitation in the beginning. Here are a few common roadblocks:
1. Feeling Awkward or Unsure in the First Few Sessions
It’s completely normal to feel awkward in the beginning. You’re essentially opening up to a stranger. Give it time. Studies show that trust often develops within the first three to five sessions (Swift & Callahan, 2009).
2. Fear of Being Judged
Many people worry: “What if my therapist secretly thinks I’m ridiculous?” Rest assured, therapists are trained to listen without judgment. Their job is to help you understand your emotions, not shame you for them.
3. Past Negative Therapy Experiences
If you’ve had a therapist before and it didn’t go well, you might feel hesitant to try again. This is valid. But just like dating, one bad experience doesn’t mean they’re all bad.
4. Struggling to Open Up
Some people have trouble trusting others in general, especially if they’ve been hurt in past relationships. Therapy can be a great place to work through trust issues, but it requires patience and consistency.
Red Flags: When to Reconsider Your Therapist
Trust is a two-way street. While therapists are human, there are certain behaviors that should raise concern. Here are a few red flags to look out for:
They dismiss your feelings or concerns. If you express discomfort and they brush it off, that’s a problem.
They make you feel judged or shamed. Therapy should be supportive, not critical.
They talk more about themselves than about you. Some self-disclosure is okay, but therapy is about your growth, not theirs.
They violate ethical boundaries. This includes oversharing personal details, asking for favors, or making inappropriate comments.
You consistently feel uncomfortable or unheard. If therapy perpetually feels more draining than helpful, something might not be right.
If any of these resonate with you, it might be time to explore other options.
How to Switch Therapists (or End Therapy) If It’s Not Working
It’s okay to change therapists if the fit isn’t right. Therapy is an investment in your well-being, and you deserve a therapist who makes you feel heard and supported.
Steps to Transition to a New Therapist:
Reflect on what’s not working. What do you wish was different?
Give feedback if possible. Sometimes, therapists can adjust their approach if they know how you’re feeling.
Search for a new therapist before ending your current sessions. This ensures continuity of care.
Be direct but respectful when ending. You can say, “I appreciate our work together, but I think I need a different approach.”
Pro Tip: If you’re not sure where to start, check out the Therapy That Sticks directory to find a therapist who fits your needs.
How to Strengthen Trust with Your Therapist
If you’ve found a therapist you want to trust but are still working through some hesitation, here’s how to deepen that connection:
Be honest—even about your doubts. If you’re struggling to trust them, say so. A good therapist will welcome this conversation.
Ask questions about their approach. Understanding why they do what they do can build confidence in the process.
Recognize that trust builds over time. Therapy isn’t about instant results, it’s about long-term change.
Permit yourself to take up space. Therapy is your time, too. You don’t need to be "polite" or hold back your real thoughts.
Final Thoughts: Trust is the Key to Healing
The relationship between you and your therapist is one of the most important factors in making therapy successful. It takes time, patience, and sometimes trial and error, but when you find the right therapist, the benefits are life-changing.
If you’re ready to start (or restart) your therapy journey, explore the Therapy That Sticks directory to find a therapist who fits your needs. The right help is out there, and you deserve it.
INTERVIEW: Everything You’ve Wanted to Ask a Therapist (But Were Too Afraid To)
What if you could sit down with a therapist and ask the real questions like, “What if I don’t trust you?” or “Can you fire me?” In this candid conversation, Linda Michaels, PsyD, MBA, answers the questions many therapy seekers wonder about but rarely ask. It’s an empowering interview for anyone curious about starting therapy, navigating trust, or finding the right therapist.
